Principle of Diminishing
Concentration
Players
late for rehearsal are always those who sit in the center of the band.
Missing Mute Principle
At least one mute will vanish from the brass
section at any rehearsal.
Extended Rest Theorem
The
longer the rests, the less likely a section will enter after them.
The "There's Another
Hole in the Dam" Principle
Fix one spot in the music and another spot
falls apart.
Premature Deafness
Ratio
A
conductor's hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists
are started each year.
Reely's Adaptation
of Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction
If you take a music stand down and put it
up enough times, eventually you will have two of them.
Murphy's Music Stand
Principle
The
music stand you get will wobble.
Communication Principle
When a conductor gives
students letters for parents, 15% will be left on music stands, 25% will
be inside the music, 15% will rot in instrument cases, 15% will be left
in lockers, 15% will crawl under the student's bed, and 15% of the parents
will receive the letter.
Blind Lead the Blind
Principle
Band members playing correctly will always
follow the players who are playing incorrectly.
Say It Again Sam
Law
Even if everything is explained perfectly,
there will still be a question.
You
will have just answered the question one minute before it was asked.
Lost and Found Principle
of Music Folders
At
least one music folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal.
It will usually be the same player.
If it is not the same player, there will be no name in the folder.
Alternate Amnesia
Axiom
Any
alternate fingerings taught will be promptly forgotten.
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The Lowest Common
Denominator Principle
After
a concert, parents rave about the pop selection played and say nothing
about the test piece.
Stidman's Law of Doors
The largest of the
timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium.
The Punctuality
Paradox
Give
a strongly worded lecture about punctuality and you will be late to the
next performance.
Hatch's Law of Clarinet
Squeaks
Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most
exposed sections of the music.
Two Principles of
Cymbal Cueing
Cue the cymbal player or he will not enter.
Cue the cymbal player and he still will not enter.
Murphy's Law of
Clapping
If
the audience can clap at the wrong time, they will.
McMurray's Program
Principle
At
least one name will be left off the concert program.
McMurray's Second
Program Principle
If
there are two ways to spell a name, the wrong one will be selected.
Concert Pronunciation
Principle
If
a name can be mispronounced as the program is being introduced, it will.
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Fillmore's March
Law
If
a march can be rushed, it will.
A
march rushes in proportion to a band's inability to play it quickly.
Left-Right Principle
At
least one person is out of step in any one march.
It
is usually the same person.
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Bogan's Law of Bus
Trips
Bus
breakdowns always occur on the longest trips.
Traveling Amnesia
Principle
Forgetful students always forget something.
RT + 1 Principle
The scheduled return time of any trip will
be one hour earlier than the actual return.
This
happens even when you pad the return time with an extra hour.
RT + 3 Principle
You
will have to wait at least another two hours for the last parent to pick
up a child.
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Percussion
Percussion Will Travel Principle
On every band trip
one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school.
Percussion Won't Travel Principle
On every band trip
one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the performance
site.
Diminishing Quality Rule to the Percussion
Won't Travel Principle
At any festival one
piece of percussion equipment will be switched with that of another school.
The one you take back
will be of lower quality.
Trotter's Law of
Percussion Music
Percussionists will consistently lose their
music as a concert approaches.
All parts will be lost at least once, and
percussionists will not admit to losing any music until they are caught
faking the parts.
The Uncertainty
Principle
The location of all auxiliary percussion
instruments cannot be known simultaneously.
If a lost percussion item is found, another
will disappear.
Law of Lost Drumsticks
Percussionists
will lose sticks.
Percussionists always claim the sticks
were stolen.
The lost sticks will be found the day
after new ones are bought.
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Murphy's Law on
Instruments
An instrument always breaks at the worst
possible time.
The
instrument will belong to a first chair player.
Baldwin's Law
Instruments
are easier to break than to fix.
Wyszkowski's Law
Anything
will work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Principles of Instrument
Repair
The screwdriver of the correct size will be missing when it is needed to
tighten a woodwind key.
When replacing a woodwind pad, all available pads will be the wrong size.
When
a pad is accidentally dropped it will roll to the least accessible part
of the band room.
Law of Diminishing
Repairs
After
restoring one key on a woodwind instrument, three others will malfunction.
Mouthpiece
Inertia Principle
Brass
mouthpieces are easier to jam than to dislodge.
Halbrook's Axiom
A
stuck key will work perfectly when the repairman tries it.
Law of Selective
Operation
Brass valves will stick on contest days.
They will not stick when the conductor
tries them
They will stick again when the student
resumes playing.
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